Image

If Canucks Players Were White Claw Flavours

Brayden Fengler / May 28, 2021  

The playoffs are on, the sun is up and the Canucks are out… Not the exact circumstance that many Canucks fans would’ve hoped for at the start of this season, but hey, two of those three things aren’t exactly bad. Additionally, with the days getting hotter, it’s not just the Canucks’ poor season that is causing people to reach for their alcoholic refreshments. Sadly though with the Canucks being out of the playoffs, there is no direct Canucks connection between the team, and popping open a cold one. That is, until now.

To help with this lack of Canucks related alcohol consumption, we here at StadiumChinatown.ca have decided to draw a Canucks connection to the seltzers that are about to be enjoyed all around Vancouver this summer.

We’ve poured over the data, had our research peer-reviewed, crash tested, the whole nine. After all that hard work we are proud to present this list of which Canucks players best represent each White Claw flavour. Is it hard to tell that it’s the off-season?


Black CherryElias Pettersson

A fan favourite, it’s hard for Black Cherry to ever disappoint, and much the same can be said about Elias Pettersson. Sometimes the other flavours just don’t cut it, but whenever a Black Cherry enters the scene it’s hard not to enjoy the evening. This being similar to the feeling of watching Petey have himself a good night out on the ice. Black Cherry, It’s fresh, it’s crisp and like Pettersson it can be relied on to get the job done.

Like the fruit that this flavour is based on, Pettersson might not be the biggest of the bunch, but what he lacks in bulk he makes up for in style and execution. A true all-star and one of the go to’s on the Canucks line-up and in the cooler.


MangoQuinn Hughes

Hand in hand with Black Cherry is Mango, just as popular but with a whole different style. It’s no secret now that Hughes and Pettersson have signed with the same agent and just like Black Cherry and Mango in the variety pack, where one goes the other follows.

This Canucks team is young but of the young guys, Hughes has quickly become a staple in the group, and like a Mango White Claw in a 24 pack, there would be a big piece missing if he was removed from the equation.


Natural LimeBo Horvat

Natural Lime, natural leader. Choosing a Natural Lime White Claw is often a safe play, there are no surprises involved with what’s being delivered, yet what it does deliver is consistency. Bo Horvat delivers a style of play that is reliable for the Canucks, and like a Natural Lime White Claw he successfully brings the group together.

Sometimes when the more colourful pieces aren’t clicking on a night, it’s good to know that there’s a reliable piece that can slot in anywhere in the rotation. If there was a whole team of Bo Horvats, or a whole cooler full of Natural Lime White Claws, it might not be the most exciting thing to behold. But what it would be is consistent, and make it easy for everyone to get on board with the direction of the evening.


Ruby GrapefruitBrock Boeser

Brock Boeser is an OG among the current roster of Canuck stars, much like Ruby Grapefruit is one of four original White Claw flavours. Just the same, Boeser may not have his praises sung as loudly as other players from season to season, but he’s a key piece of this group that never allows himself to be overlooked for long. Sometimes there are more exciting options that can catch one’s attention, but like a grapefruit itself, there is more to Boeser than meets the eye.

Boeser was far and away the best skater on the battered and bruised Canucks this season. He was the flavour of choice, the star of the show. Next year that may not be the case for Boeser, and at the next kickback, Ruby Grapefruit may not be the vibe, but when Boeser’s good, he’s great, and when the mood is right for a Ruby Grapefruit White Claw no other substitute comes close.


RaspberryNils Höglander

New, exciting, small in size, big in impact and exactly what this market needed right now. That exact word for word description can describe how Canucks fans felt watching Nils Höglander burst onto the scene this season and how White Claw lovers felt discovering the Raspberry flavour in their local liquor stores.

Raspberry is an exciting flavour, it’s hard to find anyone who doesn’t like it, it’s so popular in fact that it has two flavours named after it. Ever had a blue raspberry candy or slushie? Yeah there’s no such flavour in real life, that’s just regular raspberry flavouring with a different colour. That can be a surprising revelation for some people, much as everyone was surprised with how well Höglander fit into this team’s top lines.

Many Canucks fans likely wouldn’t have tuned into games if Höglander wasn’t so exciting to watch, and if any potential White Claw fans were growing tired of the same old flavours, then Raspberry has no doubt brought some of them back.


Watermelon – Nate Schmidt

Nate Schmidt, another recent addition to the Canucks line-up, like Watermelon has been a recent addition to the White Claw family. Schmidt may not have blown the doors off during his first season and Watermelon White Claw may not be everyone’s favourite new flavour, but both are definitely promising new additions to their respective teams.

Watermelon is a hard flavour to hate, and likewise, the same goes for Schmidt’s style of play this season. He’s largely been smart with the puck and often finds himself on the winning side of battles. There’s an element of Schmidt that represents a story that the Canucks have seen one too many times: acquiring a veteran player with decent numbers, only to have their production take a dip with the Canucks. However, like the new addition of Watermelon White Claws, give it time, these things might become fan favourites.


Surge (the new 8% one) – J.T. Miller

American, aggressive, and maybe unnecessary at times? That sounds like a Surge White Claw and J.T. Miller. Surge is not available in Canada, like Miller, it’s a product of the States. Also like J.T., a Surge White Claw packs a punch, with a whole 8% alcohol up from the regular 5%. It’s not like any other flavour of White Claw like Miller is not like any other Canuck. 

Miller with his famous F-bomb moments and general next-level attitude is the human embodiment of what a White Claw Surge would bring to the table on a Friday night. Is it something people are going to want all the time? No, sometimes cooler heads and more mellow drinks need to prevail, but at other times, it’s good to crank it up a bit.

BONUS


Bubly – Demko

No this is not a White Claw flavour. However, in talking about clear carbonated drinks and Canucks players in the same breath, it felt wrong not to mention Bubly bubble Demko. This association has been made 1000 times over, but it’d be a crime not to walk this path again for just a moment in this article.

Demko has long since proven that “bubble demko” has become more of a state of being for him, than a point in time. During last year’s “bubble” playoffs, Demko earned this namesake due to his incredible next level performances in the Edmonton bubble. But throughout this season it became clear that a more accurate name for Demko would simply just be “starter Demko”. 

As time moves ever onwards away from last year’s playoffs the “bubble Demko” name makes less and less sense. In a way though that’s what makes it special, and still worth bubbling up in conversation every now and again.

What Do You Think?

Well, that’s our list. Hopefully, this was a fun light-hearted read, and at the very least a momentary break from worrying about what Jim Benning means when he says he wants to have an “aggressive” off-season. However, if Benning’s pending actions are a consistent source of stress, then just kick back, crack open a player-related White Claw and try to relax before time runs out on the summer and on one of Benning’s contract negotiations. 

*This article is in no way sponsored by White Claw Seltzer Co. We here at StadiumChinatown.ca are just big fans of the Claws.”